First, my sincere thanks to Traci for inviting me to be a guest blogger here on GenesisBlogging.com. Second, there’s something I’ve just gotta get off my chest.

So here goes, my open letter to all techie types:

Dear Techie,

I am writing to you today as a confirmed non-techie in the hopes of establishing better relations between our oh-so-different selves.

Let me begin by saying I live in the real world. Milk spills, dogs bark, kids fight, the works. As best as anyone can, I understand it.

I don’t have a clue about where you live.

I mean, to me a megabyte is what you inflict on a Big Mac when you’re really hungry, a gigabyte is what you do when laughing during a megabyte that shoots a half-chewed McChunk past the guy at the next table, and a crash is what your teenagers do on your couch or floor but never their bed after ingesting too many Big Macs.

Are you seeing a language barrier somewhere here?

When I, a non-techie, ask a simple technical question to which you give an UNsimple ultra-technical answer, I begin to hear that “Ahhhhhhhhh” part from the Beatles’ Sgt. Peppers’ Lonely Hearts Club Band album. Whenever I snap back to reality, I request clarification. Bad move, here comes John Lennon again…

And gadgets, what’s with gadgets? Unless your IPhone interlinkage quadrant coupling with your Windows coxially configured hyper-network doowahdiddy to manifest digitized null actualized whichamahoozys can tell me an easy way to fix what’s bugging me about this web page, who really cares? Which one of these ten thousand HTML characters do I delete to make this work?!?

You have fun with this stuff. I think you’re one of the Borg who wasn’t told “Star Trek” is no longer in production and that you need to seek a new career as an ATM.

Greek IS easier to me than this stuff, thank you very much.

There is hope, though for better techie and non-techie relations, or at least a way to make us non-techies happier.

I hear it’s called Managed Web Tech Support Services.

They’re techies who fix your techie troubles without explaining how in excruciating detail. You simply say “I need this” or “This isn’t working” and then they…well, they FIX it.

After all, all I want is for stuff to work. I don’t give a hoot how or in how many megapixels (elves with thyroid problems??), I just wanna DO the stuff I need to do.

Maybe that’s the answer we’ve been looking for. Oh no, wait…we don’t want answers, just solutions. Got problem, bam, solved.

That’s all we want. For stuff to work, like our blogs. Period.

You can discuss random retrojetting whatever with your techie buddies to your heart’s content. We’ll be happy to find solutions to our techie problems from Managed WebTech Support Services without a lick of technobabble.

And the price is nice. Man, what I’d pay in work hours for all this stuff??

And NO, I will NOT text all this to your Blackberry!!!

Sincerely,

Dan Reinhold is the creator, chief cook, and janitor of  WAHumor.com, the work at home humor site with a special fondness for the idiosyncracies of Internet marketing. Bathrobe yes, fuzzy slippers…maybe.

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